WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEX AND INTIMACY?
Can you have one without the other? There are differences, and being aware of them can help you get along better in your relationships.
People use "sex" and "intimacy" in romantic relationships similarly. But the two are not the same.
There is a big difference between sex and intimacy. When problems arise in a relationship, it is often essential for both people to understand this difference.
Understanding the differences between the two can help you fix, keep up, or improve your relationship.
What is being intimate?
Too often, people talk about sex in terms of "being intimate" or "their intimate lives." Even though the two can and should be linked for true satisfaction, intimacy is more than just a physical act.
True intimacy is based on an emotional connection and a level of trust that brings people closer together.
In a close relationship, each person can be open and honest about things that are very important to them. This is often linked to a physical connection, but it doesn't have to be this in order to be close.
There are three ways to get close to someone:
• emotional intimacy: a strong sense of trust and closeness
• Physical intimacy: touching in a way that makes you feel closer and more attracted
• Sexual intimacy: combining the physical act of sex with emotional closeness and trust
In general, intimacy means being close enough to touch.
What is sex?
It can be hard to talk about sex.
In the strictest sense, sex is physical. No matter how it happens, sex involves arousing physical desire and responding to a stimulus.
Sex doesn't have to lead to intimacy on its own.
Some people think that talking about sex means getting close, especially in a relationship. Some people have sex in a way that isn't personal or connected.
The definition of intimacy doesn't work in these situations.
But, despite what some people may think, sex doesn't happen without an emotive part, as feelings often come along with the physical response.
How are sex and intimacy different or the same?
It can be hard to determine what sex and intimacy have in common because it depends on the type of intimacy and the situation.
Some people may think that the similarities are significant. Still, the truth is that sex and intimacy are not the same.
This is especially clear when discussing things in a relationship requiring recognising differences to have a good conversation.
When a couple says they are having trouble with the "intimate" part of their relationship, a mental health professional may ask them to explain what they mean.
For instance, they might ask:
• Is there a problem with how you touch and talk to each other?
• Is the problem with how much we trust each other and how close we are?
•
In long-term relationships, it could be either one or the other because often, one feeds the other.
But the problem can also be found on its own.
For example, some people in long-term relationships may not want to have sex anymore, but that doesn't mean they don't care about each other emotionally.
Even though some couples have regular sex, they may still feel emotionally distant from each other.
Other problems, such as body image, which can affect both men and women, may also be to blame and make it harder to figure out why a couple is unhappy with their intimate life.
To keep a relationship solid and satisfying, you need to have sex and be close to each other.
Can you choose between the two?
Yes, you can.
A 2018 study indicates couples who have been together for a long time have more sexual desire when they are closer to each other.
You might think that sex and closeness are too linked to being separated. Still, they can and often do live on their own.
After all, there are different kinds of relationships.
Friends can be emotionally close to each other in a platonic way, and casual physical relationships can be based on sexual availability and compatibility.
Sex and closeness can happen without each other, but they make a stronger bond when they do.
In a relationship, there is often a range of sex and closeness.
Couples usually have at least a little bit of closeness to live together. This is okay for at least some sex.
On the other hand, people who only have sex once in a while feel a sense of trust and connection that makes it possible to have sex.
How does being close to someone affect your mind?
A big part of having a healthy mind is feeling emotionally connected and close to others. We need to be around people we can trust and have the help of others to give our lives stability and perspective.
This closeness, or intimacy, can be with a friend or a romantic partner. In either case, if we don't have close relationships, we can feel lonely and isolated, which oftentimes leads to mental health issues like depression.
Does this mean that having sex is also essential for mental health? Yes, but not as much as that.
A recent study looked at previous research about how being happy in a romantic relationship can make people feel better and be suitable for their mental health.
Experts found that couples happy with their sexual relationship had a better relationship.
People who were sexually active during the COVID-19 lockdown had less anxiety and depression, according to a 2021 study.
But having sex without being close may not be as good for you.
Finally
A healthy relationship should have a good mix of sex and intimacy.
Sex and intimate sex are not the same; they each meet different needs.
Try to look at them independently, and then think about how they help your relationship.
If you need more help, please get in touch to discuss our Sexual Hypnotherapy and Couple Coaching Programs.
We all need a helping hand from time to time. Please share this post with as many people as possible. You never know who might need it.
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