Two Steps To Identity Change

Your habits help shape who you are. You aren't born knowing what you believe. Every belief, even the ones you have about yourself, is learned and shaped by what you see and do.

To be more specific, your habits are how you show who you are.

When you make your bed daily, you show that you are well-organized. When you write every day, you indicate that you are an artistic person. When you work out every day, you show that you are an athletic person.

When you do something repeatedly, you strengthen the identity that comes with it. Identity comes from the Latin words “essentitas”, which means "to be," and "identidem," which means "again and again." Your identity is what you do repeatedly.

Regardless of who you are, you only believe it because you have proof of it. If you go to church every Sunday for twenty years, that shows you are religious. If you study physics every night for an hour, that shows that you are smart. Going to the gym even when it's snowing shows you're serious about getting fit. You will believe it more strongly if you have more proof for something.

Habits are not the only things that shape who you are, but because they happen so often, they are usually the most important ones. Your self-image changes as you go through life, but you probably wouldn't think of yourself as a football player or an artist just because you kicked a ball or drew a picture. But as you keep doing these things, the evidence builds up, and your view of yourself changes. The effects of singular experiences tend to wear off over time, while the impact of habits tends to get stronger over time. Most of the evidence that makes up your identity comes from your habits.

In this way, the process of building habits is the process of becoming yourself.

This has changed over time. We don't become entirely different people with the snap of a finger. We change little by little, day by day, habit by habit. Microevolutions of the self are always happening to us.

Each habit is like a hint that says, "Hey, this might be who I am." If you can finish a book, you might be the kind of person who likes to read. If you go to the gym, you might be someone who wants to work out. If you practise playing the guitar, it could mean that you like music.

Every choice you make shows what kind of person you want to be. No single event will change your beliefs, but as the votes add up, so does the proof of whom you have become. This is one reason change doesn't have to be big to be important. Small habits can show evidence of a new identity and make a big difference. And if a change is significant, it means something. This is the irony of making small changes.

When you put this all together, it's clear that habits are the way to change who you are. Changing what you do is the best way to change who you are.

You are a writer every time you write a page.

You are a musician every time you play the violin.

You are an athlete every time you start a workout.

Each time you encourage your employees, you are a leader.

Each habit gets you what you want and teaches you to trust yourself, which is much more critical. You start to think that you really can do these things. When more people agree with you, and the facts change, the story you tell yourself also starts to change.

Of course, it also works the other way. Whenever you make a bad habit, it's like voting for that identity. You don't have to be perfect, which is good news. There will always be votes for both sides in an election. To win an election, you don't need everyone to vote the same way. All you need is a majority. It doesn't matter if you vote for a bad habit or behaviour a few times. The only goal you have is to win most of the time.

For new identities, you need further proof. If you keep voting the same way you always have, you will keep getting the same results. Nothing will change if nothing changes.

It's easy and only takes two steps:

1. Figure out what kind of person you want to be.

2. Show yourself with small victories.

Decide first whom you want to be. This is true for each person, each team, each community, and each country. What will you stand for? What do you believe and stand for? Whom do you want to turn into?

These are big questions, and most people don't know where to start, but they do know what they want: to get six-pack abs, to feel less anxious, or to make twice as much money. That's all right. Start with the desired results and work backwards to determine what kind of person could get those results. Ask yourself, "What kind of person could help me achieve what I want?" Who could lose twenty kilos? Who could learn a new language? Who is the kind of person who could run a start-up business well?

For instance, "What kind of person would be able to write a book?"

It's probably someone who can always be counted on. Now, instead of writing a book (an outcome), you should focus on being a consistent and reliable person (identity-based).

This can lead to beliefs like, "I'm the kind of teacher who stands up for their students."

"I'm the kind of doctor who takes the time and care to get to know each patient."

"I'm the boss who looks out for their workers."

Once you know what kind of person you want to be, you can start making minor changes to help you become that person. My friend ran a marathon because he asked himself, "What would a healthy runner do?" He would use this question as a guide all day. Would someone in good health walk or take a taxi? Would someone who is healthy choose a pizza or a salad? He thought that if he acted like a healthy person for a long time, he would become healthy. He had a point.

The first thing we learn about feedback loops in this blog series is the idea of habits based on who you are. Your habits make up who you are and who you are makes up your habits. It goes both ways. All habits are formed through a feedback loop, which is something we'll discuss more about in the next blogs. However, it's essential to let your values, principles, and identity drive the loop, not your results.

The main goal should always be to become that person, not to get a specific result.

Changing habits means changing who you are. This blog series will give you step-by-step instructions on how to build better habits in yourself, your family, your team, your company, and anywhere else you want. But the real question is, "Are you turning out to be the kind of person you want to be?" Who is the first step, not what or how? You have to figure out whom you want to be.

If you don't do this, you won't be able to make changes. We're starting here because of this.

You can change what you think and feel about yourself. Who you are is not written in stone. Every moment, you have a choice. With your habits today, you can choose what kind of person you want to be. And this brings us to the real point of this series and why habits are so important.

Adding life hacks to your day won't help you build better habits.

It's not about flossing one tooth every night, taking a cold shower every morning, or wearing the same outfit every day. It's not about getting more money, losing weight, or having less stress. Habits can help you do all these things, but they're not really about getting something.

They are about changing into something.

Ultimately, your habits matter because they shape you into the person you want to be. They are how you come to believe the most important things about yourself. You become what you do most of the time.