Mental Health and Living Alone
Those living alone have to deal with bad mental health days in ways other people don't have to. We can't ask a partner to empty the dishwasher or a roommate to make us a cup of tea. But there are things we can do to make the bad days a little easier.
Can living alone influence our mental health?
Some of us choose to live alone, while others have to because of things we can't change. How likely we are to have different mental health problems can depend on why we live alone. Overall, people living alone are more anxious and less happy than those living with a partner but don't have children. But right now, it's unclear if this is a direct result of living alone or a result of things that made us live alone, like a breakup. More research must determine if bad mental health and living alone are linked.
The unique problems that come with living alone
Some tribulations of living alone are things we expect. We know that it's up to us to mow the lawn and that we must get up if we want another drink. There are also problems that we might not think about until they happen. When we're sick, for example, it's still up to us to get out of bed and find the things we need. We often ask for help when things go wrong because it doesn't just show up. It can be hard to keep track of bills when buying things in bulk is cheaper. It can be hard to make big decisions. We may need someone to bounce ideas off and quickly get tired of making decisions. When we hire people to fix things in our homes when we're the only ones there, it may make us feel like we're in danger. All these things, and more, can have an effect on our mental health.
All is not lost.
On the other hand, there are some good things about living alone! Living alone can be great if we like to stick to routines because there's no one to break that routine. People who like peace and quiet and need a lot of time to relax may find that living alone is the best thing for them. If we like things to stay where we put them, we might not like living with others. We never have to fight over the bathroom; we don't have to deal with someone else's mess; we can paint the walls in our living room a brash colour; we get to choose what we eat every night; and so on. Living alone isn't for everyone, but for some of us, it's just what we need, and it works well.
Having an honest conversation
When we first move out on our own, we should have an open and honest conversation with our close friends and family about any early warning signs that our mental health is worsening and what we'd like them to do if we're having a bad day. Some early warning signs could be staying alone, ignoring people's calls, giving up on meals, living on ready meals, or not doing any housework. You shouldn't judge anyone based on any of these signs. Sometimes life gets in the way of housework. But recognising them is essential to taking care of our mental health. We could talk to each other by just texting a sentence, a GIF, or an emoji. We might want our loved ones to respond by coming over and giving us a hug, or playing a video game with us that night. Once a system is in place, it's much easier to let our loved ones know when we're having a bad mental health day and tell them what we want them to do about it. We don't need to explain or tell them what will help because they already know because we've talked about it.
A support system
When we live alone, we may need a lot of different kinds of help. It can take a little more conscious building than when we live with family or friends. We all need help with our feelings. A friend we can call when we're feeling down, or a sibling who can make us laugh. We might need help in the real world. Friends or family who know a lot about car mechanics, are good at doing things themselves or have a knack for finding honest workers can be very helpful. Someone who can run to the pharmacy and pick up a prescription for us can also be helpful. Many of us feel more at home when we belong to a group. How we build this community will depend on where we live. We may be very independent, have trouble making friends, or have had our trust broken over and over again. Maybe we had no choice but to leave everything behind. It can be hard to trust people. But none of us can live on our own. We need other people. Putting together our support system slowly is essential to caring for ourselves.
PRE-PROBLEM-SOLVING
Things go wrong sometimes. We have a big problem with mental health. When we have the flu, it makes us tired and hard to get out of bed. When our mood drops, so does our energy, and doing the dishes becomes too hard. Sitting down and thinking about the different things that could go wrong can help us plan and figure out how to deal with them before they happen. For instance, we could keep a few "quick meals" in the house for nights when we don't have the energy or motivation to cook. Things like pot noodles, cans of beans, and ready-made meals can all come in handy. If cooking is hard for us in general, we could do it all at once to reduce how often we have to do it. Meal planning and using shortcuts like pre-chopped vegetables or rice that you can heat up in the microwave can save your life. A few essential things on our bedside table can help "can't get out of bed" days. We can stay clean and robust without moving too far with cereal bars, a bottle of water, chewing gum, and wet wipes. It might also be a good idea to write down the phone numbers of some people we can call. This is helpful not only when we're having a bad day mentally but also when we're sick. Shortcuts can help us keep doing basic things (like eating) when our mental health is terrible. This could mean doing things like using dishes that can be thrown away. Having a big bottle of water so we don't have to get up and down all the time. We'll buy more socks, so we don't have to do the laundry as often. Or putting our favourite snack in different places around the house, so we don't have to remember to get it from the kitchen when we're hungry. These shortcuts aren't always the most moral choices, but sometimes we must do what we must to stay as healthy as possible. Pre-problem-solving can help us meet our basic needs and keep things going until we're well enough to deal with other parts of life again.
PLAN FOR A BAD DAY
Our planning ahead could include a bad day plan. Something we can pull out and follow when we're down and having trouble. It could have a step-by-step list of what we do in the morning and evening (these can be tricky to remember when our brain is foggy). A list of things that help, like putting on clean clothes or pyjamas, forcing ourselves to go for a walk around the block, or doing some yoga in the morning, can also be helpful. Living alone doesn't have anyone to tell us to do helpful things or remind us of them. We have to rely on ourselves from the past to do this. Reminders of how to care for ourselves, self-soothe, and who to call are often very beneficial.
LONELINESS
When we live alone, being lonely can be a big deal. Even though older people being lonely is a problem, statistics show that the number of lonely young people has surpassed that of older people who are lonely. We can do things to make it less likely that we'll feel lonely. Evening phone calls or video calls with friends or family are great ways to stop feeling lonely. Adopting a pet needs to be done responsibly, and in line with any leases we've signed, but it can be good for our mental health. Radios can make noise in the background, making us feel less alone. Podcasts and shows on TV are also good. But the good thing about radio is that we can leave it on all day long and not deal with the sometimes-deafening silence. We can, for example, put one radio in our bedroom and one in our kitchen, and as long as they all connect in the same way (for example, using DAB), they should all be in sync. We can get to know people in our area through chance meetings. For example, if we can, doing our weekly grocery shopping in person instead of online can lead to a lot of small talks, like a chat with the cashier or a quick chat with a staff member who helps us find a particular product. If we make it a habit to go shopping at the same time each week, we'll often run into the same people. We can leave our homes if we do things like volunteer work or join local interest groups. They can also make us feel more connected to each other. We don't need a lot of friends or to go out every night to keep from being lonely. Some people really like having their own (quiet!) space. We might feel like we already know enough people and have enough connections. Some of us have busy jobs and like quiet nights at home. But if we feel lonely, there are things we can do to try to lessen that feeling.
ROUTINE
One problem with living by yourself is that bad habits can start to form. This usually means going to bed on time, taking regular showers, and eating meals at what might be "normal" times. It's too easy to start eating lunch at 4 p.m., going to bed at 3 a.m., and not showering because "one more night" is all you have time for. Making a routine can be helpful if this sounds like us and we tend to fall into bad habits too quickly. Having a routine doesn't mean we're stuck or can't do anything on the spur of the moment. Our schedule could be as loose as, "I'll go to bed around half past ten (give or take an hour), eat lunch between noon and two, and try to wash my hair twice a week." Some of us might like to stick to stricter schedules, and that's fine too!
PLAN SOMETHING
When we wake up with nothing planned for the day, it can feel like our worst nightmare. It can make us feel tense, worried, lost, and alone. This can be helped by making plans and/or setting goals that can be achieved daily. These plans don't need to be huge. Our plan could be as simple as, "I'm going to read my book." Some of our goals could be to do a load of laundry and cut the grass. The most important thing is to plan how we'll spend our time. It can stop us from overthinking, pacing, and generally sinking into a hole of aimless anxiety.
SAFETY WHEN LIVING ALONE
How safe we feel we can affect our mental health, and living alone often makes us more aware of this. Since everyone's situation is different, we must think about other things.
But the following things can help:
• Subscribing to local police bulletins
• Making our social media accounts private
• Avoid posting any images online that could be used to pinpoint our location.
• Making sure that our door locks are up to code
• Making a duplicate of our door key for a friend or family member
• Installing a security system
• Installing apps on our phones that allow us to immediately report ourselves in danger.
· Having a spy hole in our door or a video doorbell so we can see who's there before we open it.
· Putting a chain on the door to our house
· Not posting photos until we return from vacation so that people don't know our house is empty.
• If we do something weekly, we shouldn't publish the exact times. Instead, we should post photos of it later that day or on a different day.
· Think about what we say online that other people can see.
• Setting timers for lights and asking a neighbour to check on things from time to time if we'll be gone.
It's essential to feel safe, and there are many things we can do to help us feel safer. Suppose we live alone following challenging circumstances, such as violence or abuse. In that case, specialist organisations should provide more specific home safety advice.
You matter.
When we live alone, we sometimes find ourselves in situations we wouldn't want other people to be in. Because it's' just us. This could include things like not putting the heating on because it's' just us', living with broken appliances, wanting to decorate but not feeling able to, and so many other things. We are important; our needs are paramount; being kind to ourselves is essential; and we have the right to live in safe, comfortable places. We should be warm, well-fed, and happy. If we have enough money, we should buy a fluffy blanket. Get a tin of paint and decorate that room. Buy a comfortable chair. If we can't fix broken appliances, we should replace them. It's okay to spend money on ourselves and to do things that make us feel happy and comfortable. It's not just okay; it's an essential part of caring for ourselves. We can make living alone more than just "OKAY." Even though living alone can be bad for our mental health, we should remember that it doesn't have to be. We can always ask for help when we need it. Living alone doesn't mean that we are alone.
We all need a helping hand from time to time. Please share this post with as many people as possible. You never know who might need it.
You Belong Here.
