When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person that walked into it.

Do you feel like you need to take charge of everything? There are ways to deal with it.

You have no say over what your co-workers think and do. You can't make people move. You can't stop your loved ones from getting sick. And yet, it can be hard to accept that you can't control these things.

But even though you can't change the world, you can change how you feel about it.

Learning to accept things you can't change and find ways to deal with them might help you find peace of mind when things are hard. It could also help you relax and feel better.

Addressing your mindset

A cognitive distortion is a thought you keep having even though it isn't true.

When you have cognitive distortion, you see things as worse than they really are. Everyone has some degree of cognitive distortions. When you have more cognitive distortions, your thoughts can be more damaging.

Because of these skewed thoughts, it might be hard for you to think positively or objectively about some things.

The control fallacy is a common mistake in thinking. It is the idea that you can and should control more than you can.

For example, you might feel bad if your partner doesn't have a good time on their birthday, even though you can't make them happy. Or, you might spend time and energy trying to get your younger sibling to study when it's really up to them to do well in school.

People may have told you that you are "needy" in relationships because you like to be in charge and always talk to the other person.

Your thoughts might tell you that you're responsible for other people or events, which is why you feel you have to be in charge of everything. But maybe you aren't in control of everything you think you are.

Learning to recognise these thoughts can be helpful and might help you stop worrying.

When you realise that your thoughts aren't always accurate and logical, it may be easier for you to deal with them.

If you know that you don't have to take care of some things, you might not try to control them.

A mental health professional could help if you find yourself relying on the wrong ways of thinking that lead to controlling behaviours. Solution Focused Clinical Hypnotherapy (SFCH) and other types of treatment can be used to help people with cognitive distortions.

Figuring out what you can change

The idea that you can't control things you can actually control is the opposite of the control fallacy.

For example, you might blame fate or other people for things in your life that you could actually change.

Figuring out what you can control might help you deal with what you can't.

When clients are upset about things they can't change, I acknowledge their feelings and ask what parts of their lives they can change. They will probably realise that they have more choices than they thought.

You might feel better if you realise that you have control over some things in your life.

Becoming more aware

Mindfulness means paying attention to the here and now, where you are and how you feel. Focusing on what's happening around you might take your mind off things you can't change right now.

In a world where people would instead disconnect by binge-watching TV shows or scrolling through their phones, the best way to feel in control again and reduce stress is to connect to the body through mindfulness activities, meditation, and breathing exercises.

Aim to do mindfulness exercises daily for at least 10 minutes.

When we learn to tolerate uncomfortable sensations, thoughts, and feelings, we move from a stress-activated sympathetic state to a more relaxed parasympathetic state.

When your body's parasympathetic nervous system works, it relaxes and sleeps. You feel calm because your breathing, heart rate, digestion, and blood pressure all slow down.

Don't know where to begin? Try these short exercises to be more aware.

Taking slow, deep breaths

When you feel overwhelmed by things you can't change, you might want to try deep breathing exercises.

Deep breathing might help calm anxiety by taking you out of the fight, flight, or freeze mode and turning on the parasympathetic nervous system.

Try diaphragmatic breathing, also called "belly breathing.

In 2017, researchers looked at 40 healthy adults. They found that those who took an 8-week course in diaphragmatic breathing had fewer adverse reactions to stress.

Try these steps to learn how to breathe into your belly:

• Sit up straight but in a comfortable way.

• Close your eyes and put both hands on your stomach.

• Take as many slow breaths as you can through your nose.

• Fill your belly with air as you breathe in.

• Breathe slowly through your mouth, pressing your lips together as if you were blowing kisses.

• Let all the air out of your belly and make it flat again.

• Keep breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, and pay attention to how your belly moves.

You can use this method whenever you feel your stress level rising when you think about something you want to control.

Writing down what you think

Journaling is powerful because it helps you pay attention to the present moment.

Writing in a journal can be an excellent way to express and work through your feelings. It can help you deal with things you can't control by helping you figure out why you want to.

Writing down your thoughts and feelings as they come up might also help you figure out which cognitive distortions you have the most, making you feel more anxious about what you can and can't control in life.

You could start your journaling exercises by asking yourself:

• How do I feel at the moment?

• What was I thinking when these feelings started to come over me?

• What about this situation hurts or makes me feel stressed?

• Can I do something about this?

• If I can't, what are some things I can do to change the situation?

• What would really happen if I couldn't do anything about this?

The purpose of keeping a journal is to:

• Figure out what you can't change.

• Write down the things you think you should be in charge of and why you think that

• Figure out what parts of each situation you can actually change.

• Figure out where your worry or stress comes from.

There is never a bad time to work with an objective professional. Please don't wait until things get too hard before you ask for help.

If your anxiety is getting in the way of your daily life, ask for help.

We all need a helping hand from time to time. Please share this post with as many people as possible. You never know who might need it.

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