When everything is going well except for our mental health.

People make mistakes about their mental health.

People often think that if our lives are "good," we can't have bad mental health. That's not true at all. Even if we just got a new job, have a stable relationship, and love where we live, something can go wrong with our bodies. So can the way we feel.

As with any health problem, some things can make it more likely that we'll have bad mental health. However, some of us are diagnosed with a mental illness even though we don't have any known risk factors.

What It's Like

Feeling bad can be incredibly frustrating when everything around us seems good. When life is "good" and other people "have it worse," we might feel wrong about how bad we think it is.

We might not tell anyone how we feel if we feel guilty, hate ourselves, or are ashamed of ourselves. We feel so alone.

We worry that people will think we're crazy for feeling so bad when things are so "good." So, we wait in our car until our lunch break to get ourselves together. Put on a smile when our kids are around. Before you answer the phone to a friend's call, wipe away your tears. Most of the time, we keep our feelings to ourselves and act like everything is fine, even when it isn't.

Squashing stuff down

Some of us are good at the "squash it" method... for a little while.

If something terrible happens to us, instead of dealing with it, we try to bury it deep inside us and forget about it. Unfortunately, when we can't handle any more, things start to happen, and we can't ignore them.

It might be frustrating that things we thought were "fixed" still affect our mental health. But trying to ignore hard things rarely works as a long-term solution. It might work for a while, but we might need help to figure out how to deal with these hard things.

Mental Health Impacts of Delayed Processing

We don't all take in information at the same rate. Some people do something right away. Some people need extra time.

We might have trouble processing, especially if we've been in many complicated or challenging situations in a short time. It can take time to figure out what's happening in our lives. Things people have said, things we've had to do, decisions we've had to make, times we've had to be brave, and any other effects of hard times

Processing can almost sound like a buzz in the background. As it goes on, we might have mental health dips that seem to come out of nowhere but are actually caused by the point we've reached in our processing traffic jam. It can take some time to figure out what to do.

Reaching a place of safety

Sometimes we go through hard things and seem fine, but when we get to a place where things are a little easier, our mental health falls apart. This can look very upside-down.

We could compare it to being stuck on a big hill during a sudden storm. We would all react differently to this made-up storm, but some of us would be able to "cope." We would be the ones to rally our team, come up with a plan, and get everyone off the big hill and into a warm, dry building. We wouldn't shake or cry until we were safe inside the building.

When going through hard times, we don't always feel safe enough to feel our feelings or recognize our situation. We just put our heads down and work hard to improve our lives. When we feel safe enough to relax a little, our mental health starts to get worse.

At first glance, it might not make much sense. When things are bad, I can handle it, but when things are good, I can barely get dressed. But from the point of view of evolution, it makes perfect sense. We need to put all our energy into staying alive while fighting for the basics. Once our basic needs are met, we can focus on what we think and feel.

Running on empty

Some of us are so busy and have so many things to do that we rarely take time to check in with ourselves. This means that we don't notice a change in our mental health until it starts to get in the way of our ability to do things.

Even if we enjoy the things that make us tired, it's hard to stay mentally healthy when completely worn out. We can start to feel irritable, cry more, feel "on edge," and be less able to deal with minor problems than we'd like.

Figuring out how to solve this problem helps to have a clear picture of where we are right now. How much are we doing right now? What does it look like? Putting this on a plan for the week can help. Over the next few weeks, we might want to add to it. We might forget things when we write them down because we do them so often.

Having a typical week written down can help us figure out if we are too busy, and if we are if we can start cutting back on some of our commitments. It can be scary to drop a burden, but sometimes we don't have to stop doing something if we just change how we do it. For instance, can we reduce our petrol costs by sharing rides to and from our kids' clubs? Could we cut down on the paperwork we have to do as volunteers? Can we afford to pay a cleaner to come in two mornings a month so we can spend more time with our family and less time cleaning?

Sometimes, rebalancing our time can help our mental health get back on track.

"GOING WELL" isn't matching our values

"Going well" is a matter of opinion. Different people have different ideas about what it means.

Some people might think that "things are going well" if they have 2.4 kids, a dog, a semi-detached house, and a well-paying job. Others might think that "things are going well" if they can consistently meet their basic needs.

We don't all grow up in a void. From a young age, we all learn what it means for things to be "going well." It's often a mix of what our families expect of us, what our friends tell us, what we learn in school, and what we pick up from our community.

We form our own ideas, personalities, and beliefs as we age. Getting rid of the weight of expectations and getting to our personal values buried underneath can take a lot of work and a lot of unpicking. Even if things are "going well" right now, that might not mean much to us. This can make us feel disconnected, disjointed, or "off."

Talking to others, writing, reading, keeping a journal, drawing, pondering, taking "thinking walks," listening, and tuning into what feels "okay" and what doesn't can all help us get in touch with who we are, what we want, and what "well" means to us.

Poor mental health's hopelessness

Having bad mental health when other things in our lives are going well can make us feel hopeless, which is one of the hardest things about it.

There is something we can blame for our bad mental health when things go wrong. Something to put the blame on. We can point to something and say, "There it is; that's why." Bad things are stupid, but at least they give us something to look at. At least it feels like we can work on something real.

Where do we stand when everything is going well?

It can feel like there's no way out, mainly if we worked hard to get where we are and thought we'd feel better once all the "stuff" we've been through was more or less taken care of. It can sometimes lead to more and more suicidal thoughts because if we can't pinpoint a specific problem that we can "fix," it can feel like we'll always feel bad.

When we feel hopeless, it's so important to get help. First, no one should have to deal with such awful feelings alone. But secondly, our loved ones or professionals might be able to see things we haven't. They might have some suggestions for things we could do. If not, they can at least be with us until things look better.

Mental illness and poor mental health don't care who you are. So, we shouldn't either. No one, not even ourselves, has the right to judge us for struggling, no matter what our situation is. We deserve to feel supported. We should feel good. There is help available. We're not on our own.

Please share this post to help us help others. You never know who might need it.