Looking in the mirror and discovering the real you - Part 2 of 3

Sadness Words and Feelings Practice

1. Go over the list of terms that describe the emotion of melancholy. Take note of how frequently you use these descriptive terms, and remind yourself that regardless of the words you use, you are still experiencing the core emotion of melancholy.

2. Write about your associations with the emotion of melancholy. Is it appropriate for you to be sad, for example, or do you believe it is socially unacceptable? Was it okay to be unhappy in your family growing up? Who do you recall feeling sad for as a child?

How Do You Know If You're Feeling a Certain Emotion?

To find out how you're feeling, ask yourself which of the eight or nine fundamental emotions you're experiencing (anger, grief, joy, surprise, fear, disgust, guilt/shame, interest, or love). It is reasonable to claim that we all feel at least one or more of the powerful emotions at any moment.

Simply asking oneself the question will not assist if you are not in touch with your body. Your body is the most OK gauge for determining which mood you are experiencing at any particular time. Emotions cause changes in the body, such as changes in heart rate and skin temperature, as well as muscular tension and relaxation. The most significant modifications occur in the face muscles. Researchers now believe that alterations in these muscles are vital in creating emotions.

We tend to express sadness in the following ways: frowning, mouth down, and eyes drooping; a slumped posture; speaking in a low, quiet, slow, or monotonous voice; heaviness in the chest, tightness in the throat, or difficulty swallowing (from holding back tears); moist eyes or tears, whimpering, crying, feeling as if you can't stop crying, or feeling as if you will never stop crying; feeling tired, run-down.

Joy, on the other hand, is typically shown in the body as follows: smiling; feeling excited; feeling physically energetic, active, and "alive", feeling like laughing or giggling; having a warm glow about you; feeling "open-hearted" and caring.

Observing your conduct might also help you decide the emotion you are experiencing. Talking about sad things; sitting or lying about; being inactive; making slow, shuffling motions; giving up and no longer attempting to better; moping, sulking, or moody; retreating from social interaction; talking little or not at all are all signs of someone unhappy.

Smiling, beaming, laughing, being bouncy or bubbly, loving toward others, bouncing up and down, having an enthusiastic or thrilling voice, and talking a lot are all signs of happiness.

Emotions include action desires as well. Emotions influence behaviour (fight in anger, flight in fear). Although the action is not typically considered an emotion, the desire to act is.

There are no negative emotions.

Many individuals regard unpleasant emotions such as fear, anger, sadness, remorse, and humiliation. However, there are no bad feelings if we consider all emotional signals or messengers informing us that something essential is happening.

What makes an emotion terrible is how we react to it and the meaning we assign to it. For example, most individuals respond negatively to these feelings in one of four ways:

1. They attempt not to experience the emotion (suppression).

2. They attempt to reject the sensation by claiming it is not that unpleasant (minimising).

3. They attribute their feelings to someone else.

4. They ignore their emotions by putting them onto others.

All four strategies prohibit you from heeding the emotional signal, learning from the experience, and applying that knowledge to your most significant benefit. More importantly, when we strive to avoid experiencing an emotion, we deprive ourselves of a crucial part of ourselves and risk losing touch with who we are.

Understanding Yourself Through Your Emotions

The key to learning about yourself via your emotions is to allow yourself to feel them without limiting, judging, or ignoring them through distraction. This is known as being conscious. Instead of battling or denying our emotions, being attentive to them might help us learn more about ourselves.

The following actions can assist you in experiencing your emotions mindfully:

• To begin, simply observe your emotion. Take note of how it makes you feel. Take note of what happens in your body as you experience the feeling.

• Do not assign a value to the feeling.

• Feel your emotions completely. Allow yourself to experience it as a wave that comes and goes. Try not to repress or push away your feelings. On the other hand, don't cling to or exaggerate the emotion. Allow it to pass through you like a wave.

Why Should We Not Judge Our Emotions

When we judge our feelings as unfavourable, the natural result is guilt, shame, worry, and/or wrath. The presence of these different sentiments just intensifies and renders excruciating the misery. You will often discover that if you stop feeling guilty or frightened about feeling the uncomfortable emotion in the first place, you will be able to bear it much better. Consider times when you had a secondary emotional reaction to the primary emotion, such as being furious or feeling embarrassed of becoming angry or depressed over being unhappy. Which is more painful or troublesome for you, the primary or secondary emotion?

The following list illustrates how to observe an emotion without passing judgement:

1. Simply notice the emotion—where it feels in your body, what sensations it evokes—without judgement. Avoid using words like "good" or "bad," "pleasant", or "painful."

2. Take note of the ideas that run through your mind when you experience this emotion and the associations you have with it. Recognise the beneficial or healthy, but do not pass judgement. Recognise the damaging or unhealthy, but do not pass judgement on it.

3. Consider your thoughts on this experience and the fact that you are experiencing it. Let your opinions go and just feel.

4. Don't criticise yourself when you find yourself condemning. Simply come to a halt and proceed. The following list illustrates how to observe an emotion without passing judgement:

Being Aware of Your Emotions Can Aid in Change

Although there is a contrast between being aware of your feelings and acting to alter them, you will discover that the two go hand in hand; when you start to notice what you are experiencing at any given time, you will be more eager and able to change that feeling.

John Mayer, a psychologist at the University of New Hampshire who developed the notion of emotional intelligence, discovered that people had unique methods for attending to and dealing with their emotions:

• Self-awareness These folks are conscious of their moods as they occur. Their emotional clarity may, in fact, be the foundation for other personality qualities they possess, such as autonomy, self-assurance, good psychological health, and a predisposition to be optimistic. When in a foul mood, they do not contemplate or worry over it and can recover faster than other kinds. In a nutshell, their awareness assists them in managing their emotions.

• Submerged. These folks are frequently overwhelmed by their emotions and believe they cannot escape them. It's as though their feelings have taken control of them. They are not very conscious of their emotions and prone to erratic behaviour (up and down). They become engrossed in their feelings rather than gaining perspective. They do nothing to avoid negative moods since they believe they have little control over their emotions.

• Acceptance While these individuals are generally open about their emotions, they are also tolerant of their moods and do not strive to modify them. There are two types of accepting people: those typically in good spirits and hence have no drive to alter them, and those who are prone to negative attitudes but accept them and are clear about them. They do nothing to modify their mood, no matter how bad or wrong it is. This conduct is expected in sad persons who have accepted their fate.

Fill the void in your heart with your own emotions.

Because of your poor self-esteem, you have undoubtedly looked outside of yourself for a feeling of fulfilment and value. You may have turned to romantic love to alleviate emotions of incompleteness and inadequacy. But no one else can complete you, fill your void, or offer you a feeling of significance.

If you allow yourself the time and space to get to know yourself and your feelings, you'll discover that you can fill the void layer by layer. Every time you allow yourself to feel a sensation or express an emotion, you are filling up another empty place inside.